Tag Archives: kids

How to tell your kids when a loved one has been diagnosed with cancer or other serious illness

It is hard enough for us adults to have to deal with bad news that affects ourselves or a closed loved one. But it can be even harder on the adults if they have kids they need to inform that mom or dad, or grandma or grandpa or uncle Joey are seriously ill. In this blog article I will describe the when, why and how to tell kids these things.

Should I tell my child that Uncle Joey has cancer?
Absolutely you should tell. There has been much research on this topic. If you are not honest with your child about this, how can they trust you when they have tougher questions later on? Kids are also very perceptive and smart. It is hard to hide things from them, and they will hear things you think they can’t. It is much better to tell them directly and be open about it. Dont’t make up words or try to soften the blow too much. Use the actual word for cancer, e.g. leukaemia, lymphoma, breast cancer, brain tumor etcetera
When should I tell my child that a family member has a serious condition?
The sooner, the better. As soon as you know, you should tell them. It might explain to them why mom or dad are sad or are away from home more. You may get more snuggles and kisses, which is a great cure when you are feeling sad.
How should I tell my child that grandpa has an aggressive form of lung cancer?
You should tell any kids of any age, but the details of what you tell them, differs per age. Under age 8 yrs, basic terms and a very brief summary are usually enough. Between 8-13 yrs they may want more details or maybe even see pictures. Teens might want to read articles or books about it.
There are some good references out there that can help you (see this link)
These are the things that I would include:
  • that grandpa has cancer and it is located in the lungs
  • a short summary what next steps are (e.g. surgery, chemo, radiation)
  • what this might mean for the kids themselves in the near future and longer term (e.g. being picked up by others, more play dates, understanding why mom and dad are more emotional etc)
  • remember that kids still believe in magical world. make sure they understand they did NOT cause the cancer to occur (e.g. say something like “Doctors tell us nobody understands how the cancer gets there, but we DO know it is NOT caused by someone else”)
  • you can NOT catch cancer; it is NOT contagious like a cold (please give grandpa lots of hugs, he could use them)
  • please reassure your child that they may ask you questions at any time
What do I say if my child asks me if mommy is gonna die from the breast cancer she has been diagnosed with?
This is probably one of the hardest questions to deal with. It is already hard and painful enough for the adult to think about death in relation to the illness, let alone having to deal with answering this question. As much as you may want to reassure and say that “everything will be alright”, you cannot say this as nobody knows the answer to the question. Probably the best way to try to answer it is by not saying “no”, but rather “the doctors are gonna do everything they can to get rid of the cancer; what can help mommy is giving lots of hugs and writing cards/drawing pictures”, etc.
Bottomline:
  1. Be honest when it comes to telling your kids about the diagnosis
  2. Make sure to reiterate cancer is NOT contagious
  3. Ensure that your kids understand they did NOT cause the cancer to occur
  4. Answer questions honestly without being too blunt
  5. Invite the kids that they can ask you questions about this at any time

The gifts we give our children

Remember when you were a kid and your parents would tell you stories about what life was like when they were children? This blog post is about bringing back those times.

tvI remember my parents telling me how one of their friends’ parents had one of the 1st television sets in their village and everyone would go over there to watch the news. I remember my parents writing letters, real letters, to their parents who lived overseas and it would take 3 weeks for them to get a reply back. Calling them would be too expensive; at the time it would cost about 5 dollars per minute so that was only reserved for special occasions.

 

ipodWhat is life like for our kids in 2014? They have access to iPads, iPods, computers, Video-on-demand, FaceTime, Skype etcetera. Sure, it is nice for the my parents, now as grandparents, to see our kids via webcam or Facetime. And yes, it is nice that the kids can be entertained with apps on the phone or iPod while waiting for a delayed flight. But what did we used to do when we didn’t have all of that?

cassette

We would talk as a family, we would play games (think of a country that starts with a B, take last letter of that country and that will be the first letter of an animal, etc), we would look at license plates and note what country (in Europe) or province (in Canada) they were from. We would play cassette tapes in the car or listen to the radio. We can still do these things with our children, well maybe not listen to cassette tapes in cars. And I know families that make an effort to do so.

In my opinion it is important to keep a kid’s mind occupied and challenged by for example stimulating kids’ imaginations by playing pretend, being physical by playing outside, biking, skating and walking to name a few. Playing in the sprinklers outside in the backyard on hot days is so much fun, even for adults. Board games are a great way to spend quality time as a family while also developing strategic minds. It is important for kids to put away their electronics, but also for the parents to put away their smartphones during that time !

When it comes to possessions, a lot of kids these days have all they could wish for. Between Holiday Season, birthdays, gifts from grandparents and visiting friends it seems they constantly receive presents. Do they really need more? What about teaching our kids about those kids and families that are less fortunate? I have heard of some great ideas of gifts for birthday parties or gifts parents can give their own children. Some kids’ parties suggest to bring 4 dollars for the birthday kid: 2 dollars for the child to buy a gift for themselves, and 2 dollars for a charity of their choosing. Other families ask for donations to a good cause in lieu of a birthday gift.

The most original gift idea I have heard a parent give their child, is by one of my daughter’s friends’ parents. They give their children 10-15 coupons for their birthday. Each coupon may only be used once, and when given to the parent has to be honoured without question. Examples of these coupons are “stay up 15 minutes later”, “go for dessert with parents WITHOUT the other siblings”, “go to movie with mom” just to name a few. And all their kids are excited and look forward to their birthday coupons.

Writing this blog article makes me realize I sound like my parents/grandparents did when I was a child, talking about how it used to be. But looking back now, I think that was a great time. With all the amazing and wonderful things all these new technologies have brought, we have to remember not to let the “old ways” die. A game of “Sorry” or “Monopoly” are still a lot of fun! In the end, apart from the physical gifts the children of this generation seem to receive a lot of, it is our duty as parents to give them the greatest gift of all: becoming a decent human being. Teaching them the gift of respect, of appreciation, of family values and the gift of giving.

 

Dr Raffi’s suggestions for gifts we can give our children:

1. More real games, less computer/handheld games

2. Have kids write real letters to their classmates, grandparents, siblings

3. Kids birthday ideas: in lieu of gifts, donate to charity

4. Try “Birthday Coupons” as a present for your child

Putting family first

I know it has been quite some time since I last wrote a blog post article. I have been quite busy at work and at home. I will do my best to try to write some more again. Today’s blog post is not about diseases or prevention thereof, but rather about priorities in life. priorities

With all of us having busy lives, we sometimes tend to forget to cherish the little things in life. This blog post is just to remind us of some of the important things in life.

 

Moral story:

 

“SON: “Daddy, may I ask you a question?”

DAD: “Yeah sure, what is it?”

SON: “Daddy, how much do you make an hour?”

DAD: “That’s none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?”

SON: “I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?”

DAD: “If you must know, I make $100 an hour.”

SON: “Oh! (With his head down).

SON: “Daddy, may I please borrow $50?”

The father was furious.

DAD: “If the only reason you asked that, is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I work hard everyday for such this childish behavior.”

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.

The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy’s questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?

After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to think:

Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $ 50 and he really didn’t ask for money very often. The man went to the door of the little boy’s room and opened the door.

DAD: “Are you asleep, son?”

SON: “No daddy, I’m awake”.

DAD: “I’ve been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier. It’s been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here’s the $50 you asked for.”

The little boy sat straight up, smiling.

SON: “Oh, thank you daddy!”

Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills. The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his father.

DAD: “Why do you want more money if you already have some?”

SON: “Because I didn’t have enough, but now I do. Daddy, I have $100 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you.”

The father was crushed.

He put his arms around his little son, and he begged for his forgiveness.

It’s just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts. Do remember to share that $100 worth of your time with someone you love. If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days. But the family and friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives. And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than to our family.

- Author Anonymous

 

Enjoy your kids, spouse, parents etc. Make the time to actually be there mentally when you are there physically. Try to keep work at work. If you truly need to work at home, make it a point to do so after the kids are asleep. But ideally try to plan your day such that you leave work at work. Your kids and spouse will love the attention, and you will feel even more enjoyment from them! family